4. There’s no sense of the repetition of parenting in movies.
If you’re a mum, then you know that when you’re asking your kid to do something you need to say it at least 2847 times before it actually sinks in.
However, in movies and TV, it’s a little different. The characters will rarely say the same phrase more than once – think, “please brush your teeth.”
In movies, it’s “let’s go brush your teeth”, with a cute tap on the bum, and they’re on their way to the bathroom. In real life? I don’t fckn think so m8.
5. There are never boogers and dry snot in/around the kid’s nose.
Anyone who has been near a kid knows they’ve always got some gross, crusty s**t going on in and around their nose. ALWAYS. It’s either this, or they’re covered in food.
However, this doesn’t happen in movies. There’s no snot. There’s no Vegemite or jam chilling around their mouth. Just one perfectly clean little face.
6. Labour goes for like 20 minutes tops.
While no two birth stories are the same, it feels like every single one I’ve ever watched on-screen involves your waters breaking, a rush to the hospital and then your baby pretty much just ZINGS straight out of you in the space of, like, 20 mins. Cute!
Listen: A 32 hour labour and an emergency c-section: Leigh Campbell’s birth story. Post continues below.
However, I’ve been told that is in fact VERY inaccurate, truly ridiculous and not at all close to what happens during most childbirths.
7. Delivery of the placenta is never shown.
Can confirm this is a thing because I had no idea you delivered a placenta until, like, last year. Movies and TV shows NEVER show this! It’s a step that’s just not talked about even though it’s like a whole entire process.
In movies, the baby comes out (lookin’ perfect as ever) and the mum and dad hold it, smile and say the name together and SCENE.
8. Women looking exactly the same as they did before pregnancy.
WHERE ARE YOUR BALLOONED ANKLES, JOANNE. Women in movies and TV shows always look exactly the same as they did before pregnancy, just with a belly, while supposedly nine months’ pregnant.
And then post-birth, they’re like immediately back to their pre-baby body, cause magic!
9. Newborns come out all clean and radiant.
No blood. No mis-shaped skull. No smell of guts. They’re just… perfect!