If parenting could be summed up with a pie chart, there would clearly be much debate around how to divide it up.
For years, moms and dads on Twitter have been sharing their percentage breakdowns of what parenting consists of. Is it 80 percent looking for shoes, 10 percent stepping on small toys and 10 percent hiding in the bathroom? Or is it 30 percent empty threats, 40 percent unclogging toilets, 15 percent sneaking chocolate and 15 percent guzzling wine?
Clearly the mathematical possibilities are endless. Here are 41 spot-on analytical tweets from parents that capture what it’s like to raise kids. Note that parenting math doesn’t always quite add up.
Parenting is 10% inspiration, and 90% answering endless futile questions posed by a small person sitting on a portable toilet.
— Mark O'Connell (@mrkocnnll) February 10, 2016
Parenting is 20% spending time with your kids providing love and advice and 80% looking for their shoes.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 9, 2013
Parenthood is 50% arranging nice things for your kids to do and 50% threatening to take them away.
— Fluffy Suse (@fluffysuse) July 2, 2015
Parenting is 50%coffee,75% wine and 100% getting your math wrong because wine.
— Alison Lee (@AlisonSWLee) June 2, 2016
Parenting is 50% preemptive yelling, 40% actual yelling and 10% yelling about how much you hate yelling.
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) January 16, 2014
Parenting is 90% stepping on small toys and 10% trying to look like you know what the hell you're doing.
— Teresa Valles (@tuh_ree_suh) April 11, 2016
Parenting is 10% making sure the kids are wearing pants when we leave the house and 90% making sure cups have the exact same amount of juice
— Tamara (@TamIWas) November 9, 2015
Parenting is 99 percent looking for stuff.
— Jenni Konner (@JenniKonner) November 12, 2013
Parenting is 50% repeating yourself…and 50% repeating yourself. (You see what I did there?)
— Michael Muhney (@michaelmuhney) September 28, 2013
Parenting is 90% threatening to throw their crap away if they don't clean it up.
— Kristen Howerton (@kristenhowerton) August 24, 2013
10% lying about what a good parent you are.
— bearded whisperer (@not_liberal) August 8, 2013
Parenting is 40% empty threats, 40% cleaning messes, and 80% forgetting basic math skills cause you're too busy managing chaos
— Randamonium (@torrami) February 27, 2015
83 percent of parenting is just trying to convince your kids there is a reason for them to get up every morning.
— SuperSardonicTart™ (@SardonicTart) March 10, 2016
90% "I'm overwhelmed by my love for these children."
10% "These kids are broken. Send them back."
— Happy Daddy (@Happiestdaddy) June 28, 2013
Parenting is 40% driving, 50% serving food, and 10% repeating "Stop licking people!"
— Heather Sokol (@JustHeather) July 29, 2015
Ninety percent of parenting is trying to remember where you hid all the good snacks after the kids go to bed.
— Cath (@cathisamazing) March 9, 2016
Parenting is 90% empty threats, 7% picking up small toys from the floor, 2% finding the right color sippy cup and 1% hiding veggies.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) January 9, 2015
Parenting is 90% watching the same movie over and over while the other 10% is sneaking chocolate when nobody is looking.
— Court (@Discourt) May 31, 2016
Parenting is 50% proudly boasting "he gets that from me!" and 50% side eyeing your spouse and grumbling "he doesn't get that from me."
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 4, 2015
80 percent of parenting is seeing something horrifying on a car seat and then being relieved it's just melted chocolate.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) May 14, 2014
79 percent of parenting is just thinking up new and creative responses to "I don't want to."
— SuperSardonicTart™ (@SardonicTart) February 9, 2016
Parenting is 50% love, 10% lies, 10% yelling and 30% unclogging toilets.
— Wonder Woman (@TheSweetestD_) April 11, 2015
90 percent of parenting young children is just lifting heavy shit.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) December 19, 2012
Eighty percent of parenting is signing your kids up for sports and then praying for the games to be canceled.
— Stephen_With_A_Ph (@sdurbin23) December 30, 2015
Parenting is 50% pretending you saw things you didn't, and 50%pretending you didn't see things you did.
— Meg (@TheMegBoogity) May 1, 2015
90% fixing everything your kids break
10% actual parenting
— Chewing Crayons (@ChewingCrayons) October 23, 2015
Parenting is 40% shouting, 50% being shouted at, and 60% being too fuckin exhausted to add up
— Token Geezer (@Token_Geezer) July 16, 2015
Ninety percent of parenting is just trying to get everyone to put on their fucking shoes.
— Svenn Amish (@amishschool) August 24, 2014
parenthood is 50% not giving a shit how you look and 50% holding scissors correctly when walking (even when no-one is watching).
— Jonathon Graas (@JHGraas) December 11, 2015
Parenthood is 50% saying, 'Don't do that,' and the other 50%, 'I told you so.'
— Fluffy Suse (@fluffysuse) December 17, 2015
Parenting is 60% breaking up fights, 60% answering questions, and 60% convincing someone it is time to sleep. PARENTING MATH.
— Jeni (@Jenidvm) October 10, 2015
Parenting is 90% wiping off sticky hands and 10% fishing non-food objects out of the child's mouth.
— Dilara Casey (@DilaraCasey) June 24, 2012
Parenting is 60% perspiration and 40% Jedi mind tricks
— Kelly Barnett (@barnett_kelly) November 10, 2014
Parenting is 80% not caring what just got on your hands.
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) December 16, 2014
I'm finding that parenthood is 30% managing expectations and 70% trying to take an undisturbed shit.
— Fitzman73 (@fitzman73) September 19, 2013
Parenting is 90 per cent answering questions and 20 per cent praying your kid doesn't ask you a question that is related to math.
— Elisha Dacey (@elishadacey) April 30, 2015
Parenting is 80% cookie-based bribery and 20% hiding the good cookies.
— joelle gilmore (@momseeksbalance) February 20, 2016
Parenting is 90% unclogging the toilet all day.
— Lauren (@LaurenRoto6) November 25, 2015
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