These are the 6 topics that you need to discuss with your partner that might be a little controversial.
- Formula vs Breastmilk: Moms like to fight the moment that the baby is born. What better way to fight than to discuss how a child is fed? Mothers are often shaming formula-fed mothers because they “aren’t doing what is best for their baby.” Many people, not only mothers, have an opinion on what babies eat. There are a lot who share that breastmilk should be the only option because it is the healthiest and it is the best for the baby. But, did you know what is actually the best? The best is when the baby isn’t starving. The mom is usually the one to make this decision because she is most impacted. The spouse probably shouldn’t be the one to tell the mother that she has to breastfeed because “it is better for the baby.” He needs to just sit back and allow her to make her decision and then support her in whatever choice she decides.
- Circumcision: Apparently a boy’s penis is a topic of discussion after a mother has a baby. Apparently whether or not he is circumcised affects multiple people. When I had my first son and I had mentioned I was going to get him circumcised I had a couple of messages telling me that I shouldn’t. One mother even wrote to me and said that it wasn’t too late to change my mind. Obviously, she was very attached to my son’s foreskin. My point, it is none of your business yet many mothers fight over this topic. Many mothers don’t have much of an opinion on this subject and may ask the father to make the decision. We have three boys and I let my husband make these decisions because I obviously don’t have much opinion.
- Co-sleeping: Safe sleep is very controversial. Many parents believe that co-sleeping is perfectly safe and the only reason that people deem it dangerous is that they aren’t doing it right. Those who are pro-cosleepers believe that there is a safe way to cosleep. There are mothers who don’t like co-sleeping and find it dangerous. They refuse to have the baby sleeping in their bed because it can increase the chances of your baby dying from SIDS. This is one of those topics that you need to talk to your partner about and figure out what is best for your family.
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- Pacifies vs thumb sucking: Your child is going to want to suck on something for comfort. Babies love to suck on things to calm them down and to make them feel better. Many parents don’t like the idea of forcing a binki into their mouths because they don’t feel like it is good parenting. If you have decided to not use a pacifier you have to be okay with the fact that your baby is likely going to start sucking on their fingers. It is important to understand that the thumb sucking habit might be a little bit harder to break. However, many people comment that pacifiers cause more damage to the teeth. When deciding whether or not to use a pacifier it is important to think about all of the pros and cons of both. We decided to use a pacifier with each of my children because I didn’t them to use me as a pacifier. I also knew it would be easier to get rid of their binki.
- Working/stay-at-home: As a couple, you need to decide where the baby is going to be during the day. Are you both going back to work? Are you going to be putting him in daycare? Who is going to stay at home if you have decided you don’t want to put him in daycare? As a mother, it is hard to make the right decision in this category. If you decide to stay-at-home you get judged and get called lazy, unmotivated, and get questioned why you aren’t doing anything during the day. If you go to work then you are shamed for caring more about your career than you do your, children. When women return to work their coworkers ask, “well who has the baby?” When a man returns to work nobody shames him and says, “why aren’t you at home with the baby?” You need to talk about which decision is best for you and also how you are going to handle everything. Also, it is ok to change your mind once the baby comes. There are some mothers who wanted to not return to work but after the baby came they decided to be a stay-at-home mother. I have also known women who were planning on staying-at-home and then decided to go back to work once they realized how hard staying-at-home is.
- Discipline: You have to be on the same page as each other when you guys are disciplining. Children won’t handle things as well if they are not having consistent discipline and structure. The same page for you might not be the same page for other parents. Some parents may use times outs and spanking, while you think that is just a bit over the top. There might be parents who scream a lot and there might be parents who are a little bit quieter. Whatever way you decide you will always have other parents who question your parenting.
The best thing you can make sure that you are having these conversations so that you can work through any concerns and questions before the baby arrives.
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