Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
FYI: If there is something on the floor that can crumble into a million pieces, a toddler will step on it 1 second before you can get to it.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 27, 2016
You don't know true love until you have kids.
What? No! I was talking about loving sleep. What did you think I meant?
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) June 29, 2016
The point when my 6yos stop liking a cereal is directly correlated to when I buy a giant box of it at Costco.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 29, 2016
If you're wondering how awesome my summer break is going, my kid just found a harmonica.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 29, 2016
Ah. This sheet music must be for the parenting theme song. pic.twitter.com/Xf3jNmiBFN
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) June 27, 2016
This summer all I ask of my kids is that they brush their teeth before noon.
Still don't know if it's gonna happen.
— Stacey Gill (@OneFunnyMotha) June 28, 2016
My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk.
Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2016
It's the last day of school where do I put my kid tomorrow
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) June 28, 2016
If you think Twitter has tons of people craving attention & validation allow me to introduce you to kids doing tricks in a swimming pool.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) June 29, 2016
"Daddy, I had a nightmare that you were cooking."
"That's cold, kiddo…"
"Actually you burned something."
"That's not what I meant."
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) June 28, 2016
Motherhood: when your car also becomes your office. pic.twitter.com/ZmrIYdFSRv
— The Next Martha (@TheNextMartha) June 27, 2016
Me: I'll make you lunch in a half an hour
8: Has it been a half an hour?
Me: It's been literally six seconds— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) June 26, 2016
4: My butt itches!!
Me: Eww! That's gross.
4: No, not the crack!! Just one of my buns.
Me: #thatsmuchbetter— Diane Huntington (@idtweetforever) June 27, 2016
The great thing about having teens who sleep until noon is I only have to feed them 2 meals a day.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 28, 2016
4yo: dad, can you help me put my swimsuit on?
Me: you can do that on your own.
4yo: I know. But I'd rather you get tired than me or mommy.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) June 25, 2016
Toddlers: Apparently the most comfortable seat in the house is me…
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) June 28, 2016
With six 12yo boys in the car:
The "Dude" to "ANY other word in the English language" ratio is roughly 3:1.
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) June 27, 2016
4yo: "Daddy, would you like one of my blueberries?"
Me: "Thank you for sharing! It's so good!"
4yo: "BAHAHAHAHA… I LICKED IT FIRST!!"Oh.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 26, 2016
Me: Most people in the world are good, but there are some bad people out there, too
6: You mean like people who sell broccoli?
Me: Exactly
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 25, 2016
Summer break from the Latin root sumus breakus meaning can I have a snack.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 27, 2016
When my 8YO came running to the car after camp drop off, figured she'd reconsidered her 'no hugs' stance.
"Mom! I forgot to flush at home."
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) June 30, 2016
dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!"
11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!"— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) June 30, 2016
— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
View full post on Parents – The Huffington Post
#pso #htcs #b4inc
You must log in to post a comment.