Nothing spoils a romantic moment like hearing the sound of a little voice next to the bed.
Upstate Parent asked licensed marriage and family therapist Kimberly Chastain of Easley to tell us what you should do if your child walks into your bedroom when you are having sex.
“The most important thing is not to panic,” Chastain said. “Younger kids probably have no idea what is happening. If they are older, it will probably never happen again.”
Chastain recommends that parents calmly get children back to bed immediately.
“Distract, redirect, and get them back to bed,” Chastain said.
The next day, if they still have questions, you can address them.
“The shorter the answer, the better,” she said. “Otherwise, you might end up answering things that they did not even want to know. You might say something like Mommy and Daddy were hugging or Mommy and Daddy were playing.”
School-age children may have more questions. If you have not had the “talk” yet, Chastain says it is OK to say something like “You’ve seen Mommy and Daddy kiss, and this is special couple time.”
If the kids ask questions like, “Was Daddy hurting you?” just calmly answer no, Chastain said, and explain that this a way that Mommy and Daddy show love for each other.
By the teenage years, you should have had the talk. Chastain advises parents to be matter-of-fact about the situation.
“Just say, ‘Yes, we have sex and that is why you should always knock before coming in.'” Chastain said. “We want our kids to have a wholesome view of sex. It is a wonderful thing at the right time, in the right relationship, in the right order.”
In this situation, as in many others, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
“Have a good lock on the bedroom door and use it,” Chastain said.
She said parents should keep a robe next to the bed that they can throw on quickly if necessary. She also suggests playing music to muffle sounds that may be coming from the bedroom.
But the biggest piece of advice she gives her clients regarding prevention is to establish rules regarding the parent’s bedroom.
“Establish your bedroom as a private place, not a family place,” she said. “It is not a place to watch TV. Kids should not come in without knocking. I tell my clients to establish a red and blue rule. Knock before entering. If you aren’t bruised and bleeding, don’t knock!”