First Lady Melania Trump finally kicked off her campaign to end cyber bullying by making her first presentation to a very small crowd in the White House yesterday.
Melania pledged during last year’s contentious election to lead an anti-bullying crusade across the country, calling for a gentler and kinder America, especially on social media.
“The First Lady decided it was time to tackle this very important issue, and she knew the best place to start was with America’s most notorious cyber-bully,” stated Alana Ivanov, the First Lady’s communications director. “We’re just happy President Trump carved time out of his busy golf schedule to accommodate us.”
According to Melania’s staff, the 30-minute presentation focused on sexual harassment, disavowing racism, not making fun of people with disabilities, and several other topics that decent people shouldn’t have to be lectured on.
“It got off to a rough start, but I think it ended well,” added Ivanov. “The First Lady began her presentation by sharing some startling statistics regarding cyber-bullying, which the President quickly dismissed as ‘fake news’ because the source was not Fox & Friends or Sean Hannity.”
President Trump disputed the claim that 3 out of 5 children are bullied online because he personally knows 4 children and none of them have been victims of cyber-bullying.
Melania’s presentation hit another snag when President Trump interrupted to report the names and Twitter handles of roughly 500 cyber-bullies to her.
“President Trump had a very long list of actors he wanted to report. He said their bullying has been nonstop since he took office, and he was very confident that no other President has had to suffer the kinds of terrible attacks he has,” recalled Ivanov. “I then asked him if he’d ever heard of an actor named John Wilkes Booth. He quickly and confidently answered that Booth was the guy who assassinated LinkedIn.”
The presentation finally began to resonate with the President after he was given several anti-bullying coloring sheets. Melania’s staff reported that President Trump was a little confused at first, as he usually receives coloring sheets at national security meetings.
“He took his time with it and colored inside all of the lines. He was really proud of it,” stated Ivanov. “I think this one will definitely make it onto Vladimir’s fridge.”