Kids are amazing. I mean they’re so cute and lovable. They’re hilarious and adorable. They’re so fun and funny. I mean they literally give us an extra reason to live. They motivate us and even teach us things.
However, the journey of parenting can sometimes be a difficult thing to do. Mainly because aside of all of the great things that kids are, they can also be a mental wear out at times. Kids are naturally curious and it seems sometimes they can get disobedient. They get into things they’re not supposed to.
And when they do, we as parents have to find ways to nip it in the bud. While many of us grew up receiving a whooping when we did something wrong, a physical discipline is not always the best choice of discipline. But again, sometimes this is all we know.
I believe the black community, as a whole, is so use to abuse and dysfunctional homes, if we aren’t intentional about our parenting we will simply pass down the same issues we’ve faced growing up in our homes.
I, personally, was raise by a young mother who only knew what she knew at her young age and nothing else. Having experienced abusive ways growing up from her grandparents, getting a whooping and punishment was all she knew to do.
Well, because of my experience, at a young age I knew exactly how I didn’t want to raise my child. Many of us can remember getting many a whooping that was uncalled for. Nearly nothing feels as bad as getting discipline for something that had nothing to do with you or just was simply uncalled for.
As an adult, I am very particular of how and when I discipline my child. Granted my son is overall a great kid. But as he gets older, like any kid, he tries me. While kids can easily get under your skin, how you choose to respond matters tremendously.
I don’t believe in generational abuse. I believe in true discipline. I believe physical harm shouldn’t be the ultimate resort, for the mind is what we’re trying to impact. The goal is to change the behavior not provoke and spark an interest for more trouble.
I decided to look online at some suggestions for discipline and parenting and this is what I found on a site called verywellfamily.com:
The goal is not to punish your child into submission, but to help them learn to make better choices for the future. This takes practice, however. If they make a poor choice, teach them the consequence is a loss of a privilege. The loss should be related to the behavior.
Make it clear when the privileges can be earned back. Usually, 24 hours is long enough to teach your child to learn from their mistake. So you might say, “You’ve lost your phone (or game)for the rest of the day, but you can earn it back tomorrow by picking up your toys the first time I ask.”
Hitting kids for misbehavior (especially aggression) sends a mixed message. Your child will wonder why it’s OK for you to hit them, but not OK for them to hit their sibling. Placing a child in time-out can be a much better alternative. When done correctly, time-out teaches kids how to calm themselves down, which is a useful life skill.
But in order for a time-out to be effective, kids need to have plenty of positive time in with their parents. Then, when they’re removed from a situation, they will begin to learn to self-regulate, appropriately express their emotions, and make different choices in the future.
Teaching New Skills
One of the main problems with spanking is that it doesn’t teach your child how to behave better. Spanking your child because they threw a temper tantrum won’t teach them how to calm down the next time they are upset.
Kids benefit from learning how to problem solve, manage their emotions, and compromise. When parents teach these skills, it can greatly reduce behavior problems. Use discipline that is aimed at teaching, not punishing.
Ignoring Mild Misbehavior
Selective ignoring can actually be more effective than spanking.1 This doesn’t mean you should look the other way if your child is doing something dangerous or inappropriate. But you can ignore attention-seeking behavior.
When your child tries to get attention by whining or complaining, don’t give it to them.
Look the other way, pretend you can’t hear them and don’t respond. Then, when they ask nicely or behave, return your attention to them. Over time, they will learn that polite behavior is the best way to get their needs met.
Logical consequences are a great way to help kids who are struggling with specific behavior problems. Logical consequences are specifically tied to the misbehavior.
For example, if your child doesn’t eat their dinner, don’t let them have a bedtime snack. Or if they refuse to pick up their trucks, don’t allow them to play with them for the rest of the day. Linking the consequence directly to the behavior problem helps kids see that their choices have direct consequences.
Natural consequences allow children to learn from their own mistakes. For example, if your child says they are not going to wear a jacket, let them go outside and get cold—as long as it’s safe to do so. Use natural consequences when you think your child will learn from their own mistake. Monitor the situation to ensure that your child won’t experience any real danger.
I found these strategies to speak so much truth. These are great ways to help eliminate the typical dysfunction we find in our communities. If you’re looking to learn to parent better know that it make take time for your child to adjust to these techniques but as a parent if you put your foot down soon, they will begin to understand.
Maybe you’re a parent that has other healthy techniques for discipline, drop them in the comments and don’t forget to share!