Stranger Danger + Rape Culture

A man offered me a lift into town on a cold day. This is why I had to say no. Cover art credited to David Helfoy (sp?) — If anyone knows who actually drew …


20 thoughts on “Stranger Danger + Rape Culture

  1. theheavyblanks

    Yes yes yes. Good good good. Thanks for being you and for speaking about
    important things like this.

  2. librarianfanmail

    Yes! So much and all the types of yes. Especially in regard to what our
    victim-blaming culture says about our characterising of men. If I was a man
    I would be flat out offended and enraged at the presumption that I wouldn’t
    be able to look at a woman wearing a mini-skirt without sexually assaulting
    her. Not to mention the internalisation and its implications for
    homophobia, where some men become uncomfortable and potentially dangerously
    or violently so in the presence of a gay man, because somehow this male
    sexual predatory instinct will be turned on him. It’s super fucked. Also
    not indicative at all of the characteristics of any of the men I have ever
    met at all in my life. So I’m just confused at the world.

    As a tall woman with short hair who is typically wearing pants and flat
    shoes, when I would find myself walking alone at night I would often adopt
    a kind of mannish walk to hopefully appear with my black coat and hat as
    more of a teenage hipster boy instead of a woman waiting to be violated.
    Maybe a teenager hipster boy could still find himself as the target for
    townies looking for someone to beat up, but oh well.

  3. GoodEveening

    On another, more personal, note: my boyfriend and I are saving ourselves
    for marriage. Recently I found out that some old friends of ours are going
    around saying that I am ‘forcing him’ to wait and that he’s ‘whipped’
    because I ‘won’t give it up’. Because according to them he is just a
    mindless machine who has been coerced into this horrible life by the mean,
    crazy, frigid girlfriend whose only worth in a relationship is sex.
    Although they intended these words to speak ill of me, I don’t think they
    considered how it reflected on him.

  4. fantasticmagical

    I could not agree more with every point you made in this video. Now the
    question is, how do we raise future generations to see every individual as
    a complex person?

  5. noodlebamboo

    Yep! I think I’ve been a little afraid of men ever since my mom told me
    about her first experience with sexual harassment. Which is a real thing,
    so I guess it was important for her to talk to me about it, but I wonder if
    there could have been a better way to talk about it.

  6. GoodEveening

    Full disclosure: I once missed the last bus to the train station from a
    concert I was running in an inner-city suburb and the DJ offered me a lift.
    I did the math: he was an older guy + my co-workers knew him + he’d been
    nothing but lovely to me all night = probably safe. Before I got in the car
    though I texted my friend his licence plate just in case.
    Unfortunately, rape culture tells us that if a man attacks a girl it’s just
    ‘his nature’ because ‘she was asking for it’ (dress, action, words,
    whatever) and so we are taught to counter-act this by doing what rape
    culture tells us: assume that ‘boys will be boys’ which is lame. I know
    that man saw me check that his doors weren’t locked and probably noted how
    quickly I got out of the car but he graciously didn’t say anything.

  7. Stéphanie Laflamme

    You’re also right about the effed up portrayal of masculinity. Patriarchy
    is bad for them too. 

  8. Kyrke Otto

    Yeah. Well articulated.
    I’m a girl and I realised some time ago that most of my (close) friends are
    male. Non of them are gay (though my best female friend is gay?); one of
    them is twice my age, married and has a kid and another one of them has
    just been in a divorce and moved to the other side of the world. Then there
    are three guys who are all roughly my age, single and living relatively
    close by – and I have very literally made a sort of pact with each of them
    that I don’t plan on dating them, ever. When you think about it, it is sort
    of strange that all my relationships with males really have to have this
    kind of reassurance built in to them. I think it is only after that that I
    can really trust myself to be friends with them. Maybe girls do always have
    to anticipate the possibility that males are just making contact with you
    because they are sexually interested. Maybe trust can only come once you
    have really made sure that they are not “a threat”.

  9. Leonela Esteve

    I agree with what you said. I think that we should discuss more about this
    in order to not only raise awareness but also to find a way to change it.
    More videos like this are needed. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  10. Claudia Detre

    There’s a documentary being made about how we treat/teach boys. It’s called
    The Mask You Live In and it’s made by the same woman who did Miss
    Representation. There’s a trailer our and I think it’s being released
    sometime this year

  11. Aishaoaktree1122

    Omg I I think that all the time everytime it snows and I have to walk up
    the crazy old hill I live near people offer me rides I’m like nope I don’t
    want to die Like it’s crazy but you know at the end of the day people will
    say why did you get in the car so instead of dealing with all that I’ll
    stick to walking in the cold Thanks. Also as a black woman I know I won’t
    get the coverage or the level of search and rescue that a young white woman
    would. It’ll just be assumed that I took off with some guy. We only have
    to look at the three girls who were held captive for years, their
    socioeconomic standing affected the level of the search, they weren’t
    wealthy so they didn’t have the same amount of tv time or police sesrch.
    Sad but a reality we live in. 

  12. Kathryn Shiach

    I totally agree. I don’t want to accept any type of help. This past
    summer, my friend fell off of her horse (she was fine) and I went after her
    horse. As I was waiting for her to catch up I was holding two excited
    horses trying to go in different directions when a man drove up and offered
    to help. As a conditioned reaction I said “No, i’m fine” as I was my
    shoulder was almost getting ripped out. I was so thankful when the man got
    out and held one of the horses anyway until my friend caught up. Surprise,
    surprise, everything turned out just fine, had he not helped likely myself
    or one of the horses would have been injured. I hate that my automatic
    reaction is always to decline any sort of help.