Babies make the best fall guys.
“Look, I had heard that a fart had happened at one point and we weren’t sure. Maybe it came out of me, maybe it came out of the baby. She can’t speak yet so obviously she couldn’t corroborate and so ‘we don’t know’ is the answer of whether or not I did that.”
There’s nothing funny about bad parenting advice.
“I feel like when parenting advice is bad it just makes me angry and I want to say, like, ‘why did you ever think you could say that to me? Keep it to yourself,’ and also someone should check in on what’s going on over there.”
Sleep when you can.
“I’ve definitely fallen asleep between takes, because I was really, really tired because I was working and every three hours either a pump or a baby was sucking milk out of my titties… as the doctor calls them.”
Baby talk is for babies only (well… it should be).
“I definitely have [slipped into baby talk with adults] and it’s the absolute worst. I don’t like it at all.”
Babies love Marcel the Shell.
“I definitely have [talked to my baby as Marcel the Shell]; I do it all the time. She really likes that voice.”
It’s better to be laughing than crying.
“Yesterday on a 40-minute car ride, I went ‘aughow!’ Every seven seconds to make her laugh, otherwise she would start crying. That felt crazy to me and also to my husband, who hated it. Aughow! It is funny though…”
All errands are necessary if you say they are.
“Never have I ever run a fake errand just to escape the house… I mean, what’s a fake errand? Don’t we need everything that we think that we need? You know what I mean? Don’t we just need it sometimes? Don’t we just need it?”
“[I have] for sure [mixed up my baby’s name with the dog’s]. And other names! And, like, names of objects. I’m like ‘I’m going to put Ketchup to sleep.’”
Be proud of whatever you’re able to do with that exhausted brain of yours.
“There’s hardly anything going on in [my head] that connects to other things and I’m proud of how well I am doing.”